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  • How do physicists raise their children? — With the metric tensor!
  • What's the name of a person who works on tiny cars? — A quantum mechanic! (from somewhere on the internet)
  • How did the physicist fit into his tight trousers? — The physicist sought a tailor expansion (tongue)
  • A murderer escaped the crime scene without a trace. The physicist concluded the murderer must be degenerate
  • What does gravity tell you about the Earth? — It sucks (tongue)
  • What's a physicist's favorite bar? — ħ