- How do physicists raise their children? — With the metric tensor!
- What's the name of a person who works on tiny cars? — A quantum mechanic! (from somewhere on the internet)
- How did the physicist fit into his tight trousers? — The physicist sought a tailor expansion
- A murderer escaped the crime scene without a trace. The physicist concluded the murderer must be degenerate
- What does gravity tell you about the Earth? — It sucks
- What's a physicist's favorite bar? — ħ